Not Posting

I have purposely not posted in a few days for several reasons. First, and probably the biggest reason was my irrational desire to not post anything that was too negative. I wanted a positive, and happy, upbeat even blog. *snort* I have realized that life is not positive, happy, and upbeat all of the time.

Second reason is that I feel depressed. Am I clinically depressed? Probably, but again, since losing the job I don't have health insurance, so I can't really run right out and go to good old crazy doc. So I must deal in any way that I know how. And you might be curious to know how I've been dealing with this. In one word: torture. Not the kind that involves water-boarding, cutting off of the toes, and such. No, no, no....I'm much more devious then that. I prefer the kind of mental torture that I can only hear in my head. I really wish that I could take some of the self-loathing that I can create in my head and bottle it. I could then sell it to convicts and I am almost positive that it could make them go straight and become normal, functioning members of society.

The problem is that not only do I torture myself, I tend to torture Dug as well. I've put the poor kid through a lot for no reason. He's a good man for sticking by me through all of this, but heaven only knows how much more the guy can take. He deserves a good person, and I feel like my good person is slipping farther and farther away.

So, as you can see, I'm having a rough time. I haven't been posting because I am not sure that I am ready to share that with the world. But here it is, in all back and white.